I'm just your average 20-something woman who gets spankings from her husband when she needs them...and loves every minute of it (usually!)

Sunday, 24 July 2011

Where, Oh Where, Has DD Gone?

DD has been a little frustrating for me lately. There hasn't really been any talk of spanking, although there have been many occasions where I think I definitely deserved one. I have been very bratty and I have spoken sharply and to be honest, quite rudely to Leo at times. I never feel good about this. When I don't even get reprimanded at all for my behaviour, I feel very guilty. Leo responds to my brattiness by being short-tempered as well, which hasn't led to any arguments but has left us feeling temporarily cold toward each other. Leo does really well with rules, because then there's no questioning about whether or not he has to spank me. The bedtime rule, which is the only concrete rule we ever really had, was a great example. In the summer, however, we've let that rule slide. We're both still working, but with vacations and everything added to the mix, it's hard to have the familiar routine that we develop during the rest of the year. I am also not very good at asking for spankings. I have this fantasy in my head of a man who will, without fail or hesitation, spank me when I deserve it. I know that this is an unfair expectation for Leo, because we are still working at this, and neither of us is perfect. I understand that this type of relationship will always be a work in progress. But in dry spells like this, it's just so hard to accept it!

I always knew that I had a kink for spanking. There is a sexual aspect to it. But growing up, I could always be a bit bossy and sharp-tongued with my boyfriends. I knew that that wasn't an acceptable way to be, and I didn't want to be that way. When I heard about DD for the first time, I knew that it was the type of relationship that I needed. I needed a man who would challenge me; who would say when enough was enough, and help to solve the problem. DD was a way for problems in a relationship to be fixed without resorting to anger and fighting. When I have bratty bouts like this, it reminds me why I wanted to have a DD marriage in the first place. When I don't receive the spankings, or any form of discipline at all, I feel like the whole thing isn't working.

But, Leo and I being the crazy cottagers we are, we went to a friend's cottage this past weekend. I have realized that it's very important to acknowledge and appreciate the little moments in life, or else your life will simply blow by you. Watching the sunset, or feeling the rush of wind on the boat, or enjoying the warm sun on the beach helped me to realize how blessed I really am. I have a wonderful marriage and a wonderful husband, and my life is very fulfilled. I am very loved, and I have lots of love to give. And I sound very sappy, but after this weekend, I was not so worried about DD. I know that with time and patience, it will continue to develop and grow. I can't dwell on all of the little bumps in the road. At some point, I am sure Leo and I will have a good discussion and figure everything out. After a long heat wave, we finally got rain today. I think, and I hope, that Leo and I will share a similar experience in the near future.


  1. Hi, Such a good post. I understand and can feel your frustration. When its good its good but when the dry spell hits, boy is it hard to deal with.
    Right now I am feeling very good about my DD lifestyle, he has stepped up amazingly, not just in spanking but being in charge, making decisions, making me accountable, i can be very argumentative and stubborn and boy oh boy he pulls me up short. Only on Saturday did he severely reprimand me over something - and boy did i feel chastised - he didnt need to spank.
    But saying that I broke one rule twice - once in bed Im not allowed out - especially for sulking - which I did both Friday night and Saturday night. Fate conspired against him and I was going to "get it" on Saturday but he had to put it off and becuase i the repeated the offence on Satureday night as well, he has added to the number of strikes I am going to get. But i dont know when. I cant cope with it hanging over my head so I emailed him this afternoon and asked him to do it tonight. I dont know if he will - am pretty sure he will say he will do it when he wants to and its not up to me. But on the other hand its also about consistency and follow through. When i have broken a rule, punish me as soon as possible - or the lesson is lost. I will see
    As for talking and asking for a spanking - it does get easier the more you do it. All of a sudden, since last week, I find it easier and easier to talk about it - and I think its because my hubby has suddenly opened up to this DD - really taken it on board, is thinking about things for himself making up his own rules and just taking me in hand and taking charge. It makes me more confident to talk and ask.

    I am sure you and Leo will talk - and dont leave it too long or it just builds up and makes you feel horrible. I know this. On the other hand yes you are so right, be thankful for what we have already - anything over that is icing on the cake :)

    Maybe its time for you and LEo to set some more rules :) it took me a while to find the courge to do that, but once i did it its really great. I am sure its not the last speed bump we will hit and Im pretty sure in a week or two Ill be back to finding it hard and nothing is happening and he seems to have stopped etc etc - but i know that i now have the courage to talk to him properly. It makes a difference talking.

    OK ill shup up now, im waffling a bit (a nasty habit). I hope your talk goes well, I am sure it will. The dry spell will stop and then Im sure it will be case of be careful what you wished for
    love and big hugs xxx

  2. I'm glad you can look at the positive - that helps so much when things are a little bogged down on the DD side of things. As you say, when you can discuss it and work it out together you'll be able to get past this dry spell.

    When things get out of hand and you start reacting to each other, can you pull back, go into submissive mode and apologize to get things back on track? I don't really know the dynamics between you, but someone has to break the cycle. And apologies and confessions of disrespect might be followed by a spanking! (grin)

  3. The problem with the DD lifestyle, in some ways, is that it requires quite a lot of discipline for the HoH: self-discipline. This can be very demanding. It's impossible to deliver consistent, high-quality discipline to your sub unless you have a certain amount of it yourself.

    You may need to renegotiate, but in something of a higher context. Is he up to it or not? Is he willing to put in the time and thought necessary?

    I suspect that a lot of doms (and dommes) get dragged into a D/s kind of relationship where they may or may not really have an affinity for it or the desire for it. They may do it in some sense because they want to make their significant other happy. But a true D/s relationship requires commitment.

    Perhaps he needs incentive. Maybe the new rule should be that if you don't get spanked for breaking a clear rule that you've both agreed on, then he has to peal off $100 in twenties and hand them over to you to spend as you see fit.

    My suspicion is that such a rule would sharply limit your bad behavior.

  4. Kiwi - You always have such great advice! I think that talking about DD and asking for spankings will probably help Leo to open up about it too. I am trying to figure out what I want to say during our talk, which I am sure we will have sometime in the near future (I did end up getting a spanking - yay! - but I do think we need to talk still). I agree with you that setting more rules will probably help too. There is always so much to think about! But thank you for taking the time to read and comment. :) Your advice means so much!

    Meow - Apologizing would probably be a good idea. It will help me feel more submissive, will show him how submissive I am, and will hopefully hint at a spanking!

    Rich Person - I think that Leo is willing and able to commit to a relationship like this, but it will take time. I think that that is understandable, but I am impatient, and that is something that I will have to work on as well. I agree that there are many HOHs who just want to make their partners happy but who don't truly want to lead a lifestyle like that. I think and hope that as time goes on, Leo will grow more confident in his role.

  5. It definitely takes time. For one thing, it takes time to develop the style of the relationship. You build on things that work and they slowly accumulate.

    But I think there is definitely a type of person that has an inclination toward being dominant. They have a strong sense of what they want. They like to see that carried out. And, they can stay focused on a goal even if it isn't immediately happening.

    That's probably not the norm. I think the norm is more likely that people are distracted by what they want at the moment. So, they aren't consistent about it, and consistency is important to creating that feeling of who is in charge.

    There has to be a real commitment. Quite frankly, it isn't always easy, convenient or comfortable to punish your partner. As the submissive, it may seem to you that it isn't that unpleasant for the dom, so what's the big deal? That's not my experience. Watching someone you care about go through an unpleasant experience can be quite difficult. It also requires a lot of thought and care. Am I being effective? Am I going too far? Am I giving her what she wants? What she needs? Can the neighbors hear? Not that I'm complaining, of course! But, it's not a simple matter of "She's earned it so let's do it." You don't just flip the dom switch to ON and suddenly everything works.

    Also, as with many things, when the inspiration isn't there it can turn into work.

    In any case, over time I think we get more comfortable in our roles. I'm sure Leo will, too.