DD has been a little frustrating for me lately. There hasn't really been any talk of spanking, although there have been many occasions where I think I definitely deserved one. I have been very bratty and I have spoken sharply and to be honest, quite rudely to Leo at times. I never feel good about this. When I don't even get reprimanded at all for my behaviour, I feel very guilty. Leo responds to my brattiness by being short-tempered as well, which hasn't led to any arguments but has left us feeling temporarily cold toward each other. Leo does really well with rules, because then there's no questioning about whether or not he has to spank me. The bedtime rule, which is the only concrete rule we ever really had, was a great example. In the summer, however, we've let that rule slide. We're both still working, but with vacations and everything added to the mix, it's hard to have the familiar routine that we develop during the rest of the year. I am also not very good at asking for spankings. I have this fantasy in my head of a man who will, without fail or hesitation, spank me when I deserve it. I know that this is an unfair expectation for Leo, because we are still working at this, and neither of us is perfect. I understand that this type of relationship will always be a work in progress. But in dry spells like this, it's just so hard to accept it!
I always knew that I had a kink for spanking. There is a sexual aspect to it. But growing up, I could always be a bit bossy and sharp-tongued with my boyfriends. I knew that that wasn't an acceptable way to be, and I didn't want to be that way. When I heard about DD for the first time, I knew that it was the type of relationship that I needed. I needed a man who would challenge me; who would say when enough was enough, and help to solve the problem. DD was a way for problems in a relationship to be fixed without resorting to anger and fighting. When I have bratty bouts like this, it reminds me why I wanted to have a DD marriage in the first place. When I don't receive the spankings, or any form of discipline at all, I feel like the whole thing isn't working.
But, Leo and I being the crazy cottagers we are, we went to a friend's cottage this past weekend. I have realized that it's very important to acknowledge and appreciate the little moments in life, or else your life will simply blow by you. Watching the sunset, or feeling the rush of wind on the boat, or enjoying the warm sun on the beach helped me to realize how blessed I really am. I have a wonderful marriage and a wonderful husband, and my life is very fulfilled. I am very loved, and I have lots of love to give. And I sound very sappy, but after this weekend, I was not so worried about DD. I know that with time and patience, it will continue to develop and grow. I can't dwell on all of the little bumps in the road. At some point, I am sure Leo and I will have a good discussion and figure everything out. After a long heat wave, we finally got rain today. I think, and I hope, that Leo and I will share a similar experience in the near future.