I'm just your average 20-something woman who gets spankings from her husband when she needs them...and loves every minute of it (usually!)

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Growing Into Spanking

Like many other spankos, when I was growing up I knew that I had a kink for spanking. Even as a young child I knew. As I entered my teen years, I started to feel very awkward about these feelings that I possessed. I didn't think that being interested in spanking was normal, nor was I aware of the hundreds of other people who shared the same kink that I did. Having sexual interests like spanking is difficult in some ways, because sexual fantasies are not something that are generally shared with people, be it your best friend or the guy you just met in the elevator. I had no way of knowing if anyone else felt the same way. I felt ashamed, and also worried. Would I ever be able to tell my future partner about my interest? How would he feel about it?

When I learned about DD for the first time and realized that it was something I wanted to incorporate into my life, it was shortly before I met Leo. This just added to my burden of stress regarding spanking. How would my boyfriend or husband feel about disciplining me? More specifically, how would he feel about spanking me as the punishment? At this point, I didn't realize how many DD relationships began because of the wife's suggestion. When I think of my vanilla friends, if their husbands ever mentioned spanking them as a punishment I can only imagine what would happen. Their suitcases would probably be packed and by the front door. Deep down, I wanted a man who would want to punish me; who I wouldn't have to ask. I knew that the chances of finding a man like that were slim to none. So when I met Leo, after a little while I mustered up my courage and told him about spanking and DD. But it wasn't that easy.

I knew that the idea of DD sparked somewhere inside of me. But I was, and still am, a very independent woman. I was the girl whose grandmother told her to "always vote because there were women who fought hard for her right to" (which is excellent advice, in my opinion). I believed in gender equality 100%. And yet I was going to allow a man to flip me over his knee and spank me whenever he saw fit? I really struggled with this. When I envisioned a powerful businesswoman, I didn't picture a red butt under her tailored pantsuit. At times when I was angry or frustrated with something, I would try to picture a man trying to spank me at that moment. I knew that in scenarios like that in a DD relationship, I might get spanked. I usually just thought, "Screw it - there's no way I would accept a spanking right now. I'm way too frustrated." It wasn't until later that I realized that in a DD relationship, it wouldn't be up to me. If he thought I needed a spanking, I'd be getting a spanking. End of story.

As for the equality issue, I started to do some reading. I started to comprehend that wives submit to their husbands when their husbands are fair, respectful and loving. If the husband is being fair, respectful, loving, protective, etc., then there is no reason for the wife not to submit. In the office, and with my friends, I am a strong-willed and secure woman. When I'm with Leo, I simply accept what it is he has to say and what he deems is appropriate. Leo and I don't want the relationship to turn into something where I feel that I can't voice my opinion or my thoughts because he is the one who has the final say. He still values everything that I have to say, which is so important to me. I think that when people start DD, they want a guide book. They want someone to say "This is what you do and how you do it". But the truth is, what works for one couple isn't going to work for another. No DD relationship is going to be the same. Leo doesn't want me to be quiet and not tell him what I'm thinking. That isn't what either of us want. I know that he wants what's best for me, but if there's something I don't agree with, I'm not afraid to mention it. I've always had a bit of a "black-and-white" outlook on things. I can be very opinionated, and I speak my mind when I think I need to. I don't do this in a professional setting, but at home, I often say what I'm thinking. Leo knows the difference between my pleading when I know I deserve a spanking, and when I'm genuinely trying to communicate with him. It can be tough, but I think we are getting the hang of it.

Leo has also tried other "punishments" that are slightly more sexual in nature. For example, last week after a spanking, he made me hold my legs while he teased me. He told me that I would not be allowed to orgasm for 30 minutes, and if I did, I would receive 500 spanks. It was super difficult, but I made it! He was nice at the end :). However, I think it's something that he wants to try again. I can't decide if I like it or not. An orgasm is always nice, but a hard 500 spanks isn't! It's a good submission exercise though, knowing that I am under his control and that if I don't obey him, my butt will pay the price.

After my 3 and a half hour wait at the walk-in clinic yesterday, the doctor told me that I only had a virus that would have to go away on its own. My sore throat is feeling a bit better, but my cough has been keeping me up at night. I'm just trying to drink lots of fluids and get this bug out of my system! Leo has been a very excellent caretaker. I read in a magazine once that you know it's true love when your boyfriend/husband holds your hair back while you vomit. Gross, but also true!

I'll try to post soon. Hope everyone is doing well and that the weather is warm wherever you are!


  1. I know EXACTLY how you feel with regards to the equality issue. I have always considered myself very feminist. I feel like I have justified DD into my life because I feel like I have CHOSEN DD. I'm actually taking a gender studies class right now which doesn't help me with the whole introduction to dd thing, however I feel like it's making me very solid and confident on why and how I feel like my choice in DD actually is equality. I'm given the right to choose and I'm using it!
    On another note, feel better Isla! Try adding some honey to some hot water and siping on it, it's very soothing I find.

  2. I am always amazed at how much we spankos have in common. Our feelings as children and teens. No one told us to keep our feelings about spanking a secret yet we all knew not to discuss it with anyone. I'm still confused about why I would be willing, even want to be punished, yet the desire is there.

    I too am independent and I have often wondered how I would feel if my daughter wanted a dd marriage. I think I would worry because while there are so many good men who could lead a family and use spanking when needed there are also bullies and abusers and how do you teach a young person to really know the difference. It is confusing but I'm still very proud to be a spanko.

    Great post.


  3. HeiDDi - I really liked what you said about being given the right to choose. It's our choice whether we want to be in a lifestyle like this, and no rights are being taken away from us. Something to think about, for sure! I might need to try that hot water and honey thing too...all this coughing is driving me crazy!

    PK - Even though I haven't been blogging very long, I'm already astounded by the similarities that spankos share! It's so great to know that there's like-minded people. And yes, I think a big concern about DD for some people is abuse. Definitely not something to handle lightly. But just like you, I'm also proud to be a spanko. :)

  4. I agree with PK. We all knew from such an early age. I remember watching movies on tv and being ever so embarrassed if there was a spanking scene. Sometimes so much so i would leave the room on the pretence to go to the bathroom!! Then as a teenager and more aware of my sexuality id have fantasies and write stories - all around discipline spankings.
    And finding that right guy is such a hard thing too. WE are lucky, very lucky indeed to have that man who is willing to do this for us and with us. My first husband i was lucky enough to have him very interested in spanking and DD. My last relationship was very very vanilla and so for 4 years i put my needs on hold. The relationship didnt last for various reasons. And now my current (and last I hope) relationship is slowly getting there.But i find it so hard to talk about with him (yet with my ex husband i could have - maybe its the length of time together) not sure.
    I am a strong woman at work, in charge of my boss and so its so nice at home to know that he is in charge. Its also hard to let go of the reins sometimes and it doesnt feel right to me to be bossing around my partner at home.

    Isla, add lemon with the hot water and honey - very good for sore throats and comforting and making you feel better. Hope you get well soon.

    Great post and looking forward to reading more.


  5. I agree, DD is unique for every couple. The key is to identify why it's important and be committed I guess. My husband has to keep me on track, I ask him to quit quite often! I do know it's best for us, but being a non spanko it's very difficult for me. I'm looking forward to your blog and your continued story.

  6. Great post, you wrote my feelings and situation exactly! Amazing how similar we all are while being unique!!! LOL Look forward to reading your posts regularly! xxx

  7. Stormy - Being committed is definitely important, but also very hard sometimes. You're right though...remembering why it's important can be motivating. Thanks for reading!

    Daisychain - I know! It's crazy how many similarities spankos share, and yet so many differences too! Thanks for commenting!