Like many other spankos, when I was growing up I knew that I had a kink for spanking. Even as a young child I knew. As I entered my teen years, I started to feel very awkward about these feelings that I possessed. I didn't think that being interested in spanking was normal, nor was I aware of the hundreds of other people who shared the same kink that I did. Having sexual interests like spanking is difficult in some ways, because sexual fantasies are not something that are generally shared with people, be it your best friend or the guy you just met in the elevator. I had no way of knowing if anyone else felt the same way. I felt ashamed, and also worried. Would I ever be able to tell my future partner about my interest? How would he feel about it?
When I learned about DD for the first time and realized that it was something I wanted to incorporate into my life, it was shortly before I met Leo. This just added to my burden of stress regarding spanking. How would my boyfriend or husband feel about disciplining me? More specifically, how would he feel about spanking me as the punishment? At this point, I didn't realize how many DD relationships began because of the wife's suggestion. When I think of my vanilla friends, if their husbands ever mentioned spanking them as a punishment I can only imagine what would happen. Their suitcases would probably be packed and by the front door. Deep down, I wanted a man who would want to punish me; who I wouldn't have to ask. I knew that the chances of finding a man like that were slim to none. So when I met Leo, after a little while I mustered up my courage and told him about spanking and DD. But it wasn't that easy.
I knew that the idea of DD sparked somewhere inside of me. But I was, and still am, a very independent woman. I was the girl whose grandmother told her to "always vote because there were women who fought hard for her right to" (which is excellent advice, in my opinion). I believed in gender equality 100%. And yet I was going to allow a man to flip me over his knee and spank me whenever he saw fit? I really struggled with this. When I envisioned a powerful businesswoman, I didn't picture a red butt under her tailored pantsuit. At times when I was angry or frustrated with something, I would try to picture a man trying to spank me at that moment. I knew that in scenarios like that in a DD relationship, I might get spanked. I usually just thought, "Screw it - there's no way I would accept a spanking right now. I'm way too frustrated." It wasn't until later that I realized that in a DD relationship, it wouldn't be up to me. If he thought I needed a spanking, I'd be getting a spanking. End of story.
As for the equality issue, I started to do some reading. I started to comprehend that wives submit to their husbands when their husbands are fair, respectful and loving. If the husband is being fair, respectful, loving, protective, etc., then there is no reason for the wife not to submit. In the office, and with my friends, I am a strong-willed and secure woman. When I'm with Leo, I simply accept what it is he has to say and what he deems is appropriate. Leo and I don't want the relationship to turn into something where I feel that I can't voice my opinion or my thoughts because he is the one who has the final say. He still values everything that I have to say, which is so important to me. I think that when people start DD, they want a guide book. They want someone to say "This is what you do and how you do it". But the truth is, what works for one couple isn't going to work for another. No DD relationship is going to be the same. Leo doesn't want me to be quiet and not tell him what I'm thinking. That isn't what either of us want. I know that he wants what's best for me, but if there's something I don't agree with, I'm not afraid to mention it. I've always had a bit of a "black-and-white" outlook on things. I can be very opinionated, and I speak my mind when I think I need to. I don't do this in a professional setting, but at home, I often say what I'm thinking. Leo knows the difference between my pleading when I know I deserve a spanking, and when I'm genuinely trying to communicate with him. It can be tough, but I think we are getting the hang of it.
Leo has also tried other "punishments" that are slightly more sexual in nature. For example, last week after a spanking, he made me hold my legs while he teased me. He told me that I would not be allowed to orgasm for 30 minutes, and if I did, I would receive 500 spanks. It was super difficult, but I made it! He was nice at the end :). However, I think it's something that he wants to try again. I can't decide if I like it or not. An orgasm is always nice, but a hard 500 spanks isn't! It's a good submission exercise though, knowing that I am under his control and that if I don't obey him, my butt will pay the price.
After my 3 and a half hour wait at the walk-in clinic yesterday, the doctor told me that I only had a virus that would have to go away on its own. My sore throat is feeling a bit better, but my cough has been keeping me up at night. I'm just trying to drink lots of fluids and get this bug out of my system! Leo has been a very excellent caretaker. I read in a magazine once that you know it's true love when your boyfriend/husband holds your hair back while you vomit. Gross, but also true!
I'll try to post soon. Hope everyone is doing well and that the weather is warm wherever you are!